Well, I wish it could be Christmas every day,
When the kids start singing and the band begins to play.”
Roy Wood, Wizzard, 1973
I’ve always found the sentiment behind Wizzard’s glam-rock Christmas hit ‘I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day’ to be slightly bonkers. Who in their right mind would want it to be Christmas every single bloody day? The hassle, the cooking, the wrapping, the decorating? The boozy fall-outs? The indigestion? The endless piles of cardboard and plastic waste packaging? How would the bin men cope?
I mean, I can see why Roy would be pleased with this concept – Christmas has certainly been kind to him, with his yuletide ditty being dusted off every season and earning him upwards of £180 grand a year. He can probably afford a spare wheelie bin.
But I just couldn’t imagine why anyone would want to experience the festive season literally all year long. Don’t get me wrong – I am and always have been a Christmas enthusiast. I love the way that this most merry of holidays pops up every December to transform the darkest, most miserable time of year into something warm, magical and joyful. I adore that our dull, frosty, wind-swept streets are reborn like some fairytale winter wonderland with the addition of a few decorations and some twinkling lights. That everything gets that little bit more exciting as kids from one to ninety-two practically burst with elation, wondering what waits for them under the tree.
Most of all, I treasure that for at least one day a year, family and loved-ones let bygones be bygones to meet up, swap (usually naff) presents and share some quality time together. And, of course, for a few magical weeks, the TV schedules are filled with reassuringly familiar, heart-warming movies, hammering home comforting family values.
Isn’t that the point of it? That Christmas should be a once-a-year kind of deal? Something to look forward to? A holiday: a small, but wonderful bit of respite from the humdrumness and struggles of our everyday lives?
Sure, Christmas really can be the ‘Most Wonderful Time of the Year’. But would we really want to experience it every day?
These thoughts dance through my brain as Wizzard’s irrepressible yuletide banger blares from the radio, while I toil away at the computer in my office. It’s December 2020, just a few days from Christmas and I’m on the clock, counting down the hours until I’m free to drink in the eggnoggy majesty that will be this year’s yuletide. But, weirdly, after years of working in a massive, soulless building in the city, for this Christmas, my ‘office’ has rather abruptly become a cramped little spare room in the house I share with my beautiful wife and 3-year-old daughter. You see, this year was a bit different.
I’m quite sure you remember 2020. Unless you'd been living on Mars (which probably would have been more fun), you too would have been in some way affected by the total shitshow that was ‘Covid 19.’
Who could forget that a viral pandemic ripped through the planet, killing millions, creating a recession, putting even more people out of work, isolating us in our homes and generally ballsing up everyone’s lives? No doubt about it, unless you’d had the uncanny foresight to invest in a load of shares in hand sanitiser and facemasks, 2020 was a stinker.
It was a confusing year of fear, social distancing, self-isolation, restrictions, conspiracy theories and false promises that this whole thing would be over by Christmas. Especially if you were brave/mental enough to inject yourself with bleach, as endorsed by the President of the USA.
I Could go on, but let’s face it – you were probably there, you’ll remember. And if not, I’m fairly certain there’s already been one or two books, songs, movies, blogs, podcasts and musicals written on the subject.
So, it’s about five days before Christmas and, as Wizzard proclaim their undying love for all things festive, the entire country is being locked down and Christmas as we know it is effectively cancelled. This year, when the snowman brings the snow, it really isn’t putting much of a big fat smile on anyone’s face.
On the plus side, working from home I’m spending more time with my family and feeling safer than I would have done commuting to work. Yet, being stuck in the house 24-7 brings all sorts of unanticipated mental health obstacles. Turns out being isolated in these freaky circumstances can bring on horrible emotions, like anxiety, depression and frustration with a healthy dose of despair. With Christmas creeping up, I’m finding a little less happiness in life, just when we’re supposed to be at our most joyous.
So, it’s my last day of work and Roy’s chanting about how we should let the warm fire melt away the frosticals in our beards, which I imagine is some cute metaphor for Christmas magic chasing our blues away, but my brain’s not having it. This is not the way one should normally feel on your last day of work before Santa comes, but I can’t shake it.
Full disclosure – I’m pretty sure my dejection isn't fully just down to crappy Covid. Earlier in the day I came across an article about an upcoming blockbuster superhero movie that just happens to star an old school colleague of mine. Mind-bendingly, this colleague is now a bona fide big bucks film star, also tipped as the next bloody James Bond. I don’t begrudge the lad his success – he was a top bloke. However, reading a story like that during a period of existential funk really doesn’t do a man any favours.
Here’s a guy who came from the same village as me, went to the same school – hell, I played in his house. A guy who, essentially, had the same start in life and the same opportunities, yet who somehow went on to become a major Newspaper Headline-grabbing, Talkshow Guest SOMEBODY. And here I am, pushing 40, pissing about with spreadsheets and pondering what the hell I’ve done with my life.
Don’t get me wrong. When you share a bed with a beautiful wife and have a cute child who runs to greet you when you come home, it’s easy to feel like the richest man alive. Still, there’s nothing like actually knowing a successful Hollywood heartthrob to make you feel like a slobbish failure who’s wasted his potential.
So, I’m glum. Still, one of the perks of working from home is that your boss very rarely knows what you’re actually doing. Every now and then you can take a few liberties, like mucking about with your phone or even sticking a film on. I think ‘what the hell,’ and put on a festive DVD to cheer myself up.
Without too much consideration, I stick on Will Ferrell’s 2003 Christmas comedy classic Elf. This festive romp never fails to put a smile on my face, so I give it a go to see if it will shake me out of my unseasonal identity crisis.
Amazingly, it really does. But this time, something feels different. Ferrell’s super-cheesy man-child doesn’t just cheer me up – I swear, despite having seen this at least a dozen times, today I’m so moved I feel close to actually sobbing! As James Caan’s grumpy Scrooge-like character suddenly bursts into joyful song, helping the people of New York conjure enough yuletide cheer to make Santa’s sleigh soar, I feel overwhelmed. It’s a feeling akin to your team scoring an injury time winner in the Cup Final, the sort of thunderous outpouring that makes grown men kiss each other. What the hell?!?
It feels like such a crazy, magical release and I realise that this was exactly the tonic I needed. Who knew a movie could transform a person’s mood, their very being so much?
With Christmas saved and the credits rolling, I do what we all do in this modern technologic age when something makes us curious – I start googling. Inquisitive about the wave of emotion that's just swept over me, I type in ‘Christmas movies,’ swiftly followed by ‘mental health.’
One of the top results is from some website called ‘doyouremember.com’ , titled ‘Studies Prove Major Health Benefits For People Who Watch Christmas Movies All Year’. The article explains that it’s been proven by actual science that “watching Christmas movies all year round can be a benefit to your health.” Boffins have proven that watching snow-kissed cinematic favourites like Miracle on 34th Street, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation and, yes, even Elf can help you live longer, be healthier and feel happier. After what I’ve just experienced, I’m inclined to believe it.
A bona fide psychologist is quoted, saying that Christmas movies release “feel-good” hormones that “create that neurological shift that can produce happiness.” It’s all making sense. The article goes on to explain that any pleasant thing – like a crowd-pleasing movie with an obvious happy ending - that takes us out of our normal humdrum routine will send signals to our senses, and then our senses measure if it’s pleasing or not. The boffin advises that Christmassy activities “will spike dopamine, a feel-good hormone.”
I’m thinking that this brain doctor is absolutely spot-on as the article explains that Christmas films also improve our general mental well-being because they promote "positivity and inspiration" and are proven to strengthen relationships with our family. Repeat viewings of family favourites can also allegedly improve our memories and stimulate our brains!
Brilliantly, the article advises that watching Christmas films any time of the year is nothing to be ashamed of and that loads of people do it. It makes a silly sort of sense. Who doesn’t love the occasional guilty pleasure of watching Home Alone whenever it’s on which, on cable TV, seems to be every bloody Sunday?
Searching the information superhighway for more info, I learn that across the pond they have entire channels that show Christmas movies all year round. There are seemingly plenty of folk who, even if they don’t necessarily want a bit of Christmas every single day, would at least like the option if the mood takes them.
I’m fascinated and intrigued. That night, after getting the nipper off to sleep, my wife Katie and I squeeze in a viewing of The Christmas Chronicles 2 on Netflix. We enjoy it and head off to bed in a very agreeable mood. Visions of sugarplums are not quite dancing through my head, but I’m certainly feeling pretty spiffy, like a weight has been lifted.
But, I can’t sleep. My mind is racing. That article has planted a tiny seed of an idea in my subconscious that now refuses to stop growing and growing like a big bloody Christmas tree.
What if somebody tried to watch a Christmas film every day for an entire year? How would that make them feel? How would it affect them? Would it make them happier? Or would it just drive them totally nuts? Has anyone ever been daft enough to try that before?
A ridiculous idea is brewing and it’s hard to ignore. Yes, dear reader, I have had an absolutely batshit Eureka moment. From Boxing Day 2020 right up to and including Christmas Day 2021, I vow that I am going to watch a different Christmas movie every day. Every. Single. Day.
And I make a promise to myself to write all about it, every step of the day. What better way to force myself out of my funk, than by giving myself a daily target that I must stick to. This feels like the unique, if slightly ill-conceived kick up the arse my floundering life needs.
I’m wide awake now, as I start to plot and scheme.
How will I make this work? How will I decide what films to watch? Another quick online search reveals there are literally thousands of Christmas films to choose from. Further googling reminds me that endless debates continue to rage between rival movie-watchers as to what and what doesn’t constitute a ‘Christmas Film,’ with the main topic of debate being John McTiernan’s Christmas-set actioner Die Hard. Can a film really be considered a ‘proper’ Christmas movie if it just happens to be set during the holidays?
I decide that, as I really, really like Die Hard and would take any opportunity to watch it again, that yes, it totally counts. I resolve that, in the interests of keeping things diverse, I will try to be a little loose with my filmic choices, though I will make sure that each flick does have at least some sort of strong(ish) Christmas connection.
My online explorations reveal literally thousands of lists and rankings of the ‘best’ festive films, covering almost every genre you can think of. Christmas horror films. Christmas action. Christmas Comedies. Superhero films. LGBTQ films. Westerns. Documentaries. musicals. Zombie films. Zombie Musical films. Even a Christmas martial arts film.
I quickly surmise that, though a lot of these films look awful (there’s a reason you’ve likely never heard of A Karate Christmas Miracle) this project could be lots of fun. There seems to be so many weird and wonderful films to be discovered and, in this golden age of online streaming, most of them are easily and readily available.
Next morning, I compile a list of all the Christmas movie genres I can think of. What film to watch first? Deciding against the highly scientific method of just shutting my eyes and randomly pointing at a category, I opt to assign each genre a number. Then, using the slightly more scientific method of Google’s online random number generator, I will, when the time comes, select a category at random and work my way through some of the best examples of that genre. Where possible, I decide I will spend a full month on each category, in order to do these films justice.
It’s a few days until Christmas. Brilliantly, I feel excited about life again. The thought of embarking on this Christmassy cinematic odyssey has given me my mojo back. The only thing I’m really not too sure about is – how on earth am I going to squeeze 365 Christmas films into my already busy life? How am I going to explain to people what I’m doing? Why I’m doing it?
And what the hell am I going to tell the wife? Let the bells ring out…
